The Akatsuki Chronicles
by kookieznkream
Summary: A series of one-shots dedicated to the superduper awesome and badass Akatsuki members. XD Rated T for future swears I'm looking at you, Hidan.
1. Shower

**The Akatsuki Chronicles **

**Shower**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

* * *

**A/N: Yep. One week of planning for this has finally succeeded. I really love the Akatsuki depicted as a happy, slightly dysfunctional family. It's kinda nice. :) Yeah. This is like a prototype. Just uploading. To see if I can figure out more ideas for this, erm, series of stories.**

* * *

One day in the Akatsuki lair…

Itachi tiptoed down the corridor. It was rather early in the morning, and most members were asleep. Naturally, being the Uchiha prodigy that he was, Itachi decided to wake up earlier than everyone else does so he could sleep in while the daily bloodbath and violence occurred between the members over the order of showering (Kakuzu had complained about the amount of money he had to cough up in order to refurnish the base after Deidara blew up half of it last week). It wasn't just that, though, but it was mainly due to being able to hog all the steaming hot water that the Akatsuki members treasure so much and leave the dreaded colder-than-ice water to the other members.

He knew that if the other members found out if he was trying to sneak a shower before they all got up, everyone will be after his head like a pack of wild, roaring, rabid lions before supper. He scowled instinctively and realized how silly he looked right now. _ The worst timing to be caught like this_, Itachi thought glumly, _especially since I'm an S-class, clan-murdering, criminal._ If the other members saw how idiotic he looked right now, he would never hear the end of it. Or at least until he finds something to blackmail them with.

He got to the bathroom quickly and slammed the door behind. He froze. _Shit_, he thought, _they're probably going to hear that_. But all was heard of the random mutterings of 'Art is a bang, un…', '**Must. **Have. **Food**.', etcetera, coming from the various rooms in the base. He sighed in relief as he prepared for his long-awaited bath.

He turned on the hot water, relishing in the feel of the hot water cascade across his skin and sighed, for the gazillionth time this morning, in contentment. It was nice actually, for not having to deal with craziness that was seemingly part of the package of being an S-class criminal. The door flew open with a bang and Itachi readied himself for Tsukyomi-ing whoever dared to interrupt his nice hot shower all the while cursing for forgetting to lock the door.

"ITACHI-SAN! TOBI SAYS GOOD MORNING!"

"Tobi, acceptable rules of etiquette dictates that you don't barge in when someone is shower. At least knock first."

"But Itachi-san, Deidara-sempai told me to give something to you. Deidara-sempai told me to not tell you until I finished giving this to you…"

"Hn. Whatever it is, I don't care. Tell Deidara if he ever puts explosive cookies in my cookie jar again, I'll Mangekyō Sharingan him for it. Even if Leader-sama disapproves."

With that, Itachi turned away and promptly resumed his hogging of the shower. Meanwhile, Tobi was secretly (or as ninja-like as Tobi could get) sealing the shower stall door. When Itachi turned around again, he was met with a horrible, horrible surprise.

Tobi was hanging suspiciously around the toilet. He, of course being the Uchiha prodigy that he was, realized what the orange lollipop was going to do.

"Tobi!" He practically yelled (for it is very un-Uchiha to yell), "DON'T FLUSH IT! NO! ASDLKFJASIFEWDFA!"

But alas, the masked man's loyalty was only to his sempai and thus, he flushed the toilet.

A rather girlish "AAEEEIIII!" sounded throughout the base and snickering erupted from Deidara's room.

"That is what you get for insulting my art, un."

* * *

**A/N: DONE! :D Super happy! XD Tell me what you think. Should I continue? Or scrap this and write one-shots instead? **


	2. Bad Day

**The Akatsuki Chronicles**

**Bad Day…**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

**Characters: Itachi, Kisame**

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the late updates. I was busy procrastinating. meh. yeah. Busy...procrastinating. ANYWAYS, I have like, loads of ideas for this because the plot bunnies in my head have been messing around each other, so I now have an overcrowded rabbit pen full of plot bunnies. Yes, they have been fornicating in my head, so good news (hopefully).**

* * *

Kisame was bored as hell. Today was their rare mission-less day and Pein had sent out the remaining teams out on missions. Itachi was nowhere to be seen, most likely holed up in his bedroom where he will be sleeping until the afternoon. So, being bored, Kisame decided to read. Yes, the ex-Seven Ninja Swordsmen decided to read. Reading wasn't uncommon in the Akatsuki base because living as S-class criminals living in a rock tends to very boring. To be honest, almost everyone read. With the exception of Tobi and Kakuzu because the former entertains himself by annoying his sempai and the latter entertains himself by counting money and shouting about how much the Akatsuki members are wasting money. It was little less known that the Akatsuki had a library, with shelves full of relatively new second-hand books that they got for free (they left the second-hand bookstore owner broke after they raided his shop). There were books of all kinds, from simple picture books of plants (that Zetsu liked) to long novellas about a young boy seeking to avenge his clan (that Itachi liked) to several rare copies of Jashin's Bible (that Hidan liked) to guides on clay sculptures and puppets (that Deidara and Sasori enjoyed), etc. But you get the idea. There were a lot of books.

But out of the long shelves filled with books, Kisame liked the ones with about the ocean. Little Mermaid, to be exact. He really, really liked that book. He flipped open the green cover of the book and decided because Itachi was sleeping, he could at least read this out loud.

"Once upon a time…"

Itachi woke up with a start as he realized what Kisame was reading. He threw open the door with a bang and stormed outside and with a "SHUT UP!", he threw a kunai at Kisame's head, it's hilt landing perfectly at the back of Kisame's head, shocking him into dropping his green book. Itachi stormed back inside, grumbling at having being woken up.

"…" came Kisame's intelligent response.

Then silence. It was unusual for silence to fill the Akatsuki base, but there was silence as Kisame nursed his throbbing head.

"…there lived a PMSing Uchiha named Itachi…who had this thing for his brother…"

A furious and irate Itachi loomed above Kisame, Mangekyō Sharingan spinning wildly.

"KISAME…"

* * *

**A/N: This is kinda short because I wrote this on such a short notice. The next one (or the several after the next) are going to be shorter, though. I swear. Again, read and review! :)**


	3. Train

**The Akatsuki Drabbles**

**Train**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

* * *

**A/N: YES! This is finally off hiatus! I figured you would like a nice one with Kakuzu and Hidan! :) Enjoy!**

* * *

Hidan and Kakuzu were walking in the dense forests of Konoha in the middle of summer. The heat was unbearable, but they couldn't stop as Leader-sama had entrusted them with the task of finding the Kyuubi jinchuuriki. Sweat glistened on their foreheads, the heat made even more unbearable by the heavy black Akatsuki cloaks that they wore.

Kakuzu squinted at the sun, silently judging the time of day. At this rate, he thought, they would reach the outskirts of Konoha by sundown. He wiped the sweat drops that trickled down from his forehead and thanked his lucky stars that his annoying partner was quiet for once.

"I can't take it anymore, Kakuzu! I'm fucking exhausted! Either we take the train or you will carry me, dammit!"

Kakuzu scowled at the high-pitched whine of his partner before glowering at them.

"Fine, we'll go by train. Just shut up already!"

And the two were off, walking a little bit quicker than usual towards the station.

**Later…**

Kakuzu huffed indignantly as he stared at the board with the fares listed. He scowled deeply as Hidan shifted from one foot to another, obviously impatient.

"Just fucking choose already!" snapped the Jashin-worhsipper.

Kakuzu chose to ignore him, instead muttering to himself.

"Hmm," Kakuzu mused, "They're all way too expensive.."

But suddenly, an idea in the form of a brainwave came to Kakuzu as he almost smirked deviously. He had finally found a way to save himself an entire ticket's worth of money.

"Oi, Hidan," Kakuzu said, reaching for Hidan's beloved scythe, "Lend me your torture weapon for a sec."

Thoroughly confused, Hidan replied, "What, you want to kill the fucking cashier? Isn't that too risky?"

Kakuzu did not say a word, but merely swung scythe, far, far above his head before bringing it down on a startled Hidan. A yelp was heard and the ensuing brawl was loud, due to Hidan's cursing and screams of pain.

**Much, much later on…**

Kakuzu stood calmly in front of the ticket office, calmly handing over the money for one ticket, ignoring the bloodied suitcase and half of Hidan's hand sticking out.

A muffled shout was heard from within, something along the lines of: "ASSHOLE! JUST FUCKING HUMILIATING ME! I SWEAR YOU'LL FUCKING BURN IN FUCKING HELL FOR THIS WITH NO FUCKING MONEY WILL HELP YOU! MARK MY WORDS, YOU BASTARD!"

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry for all the swear words in this one. Really. Don't blame me, blame Hidan's potty mouth. XD. Read and Review!**


End file.
